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The brotherhood of Irishmen

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would
taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way:
He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
- "Oh, no," he says, "my brothers are both fine. I've just quit drinking."

The One ticket experiment

3 engineers and 3 accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the 3 accountants each buy tickets and watch as the 3 engineers buy only a single ticket.

- "How are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

- "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

- "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

- "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the 3 accountants cram into a restroom and the 3 engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
"Ticket, please."

Smart kid

Bill and Marla deceided that the only way to pull off a quickie on Sunday afternoon, avoiding disturbance from their ten-year-old son in the apartment, was to send him out on the balcony and order to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out,
"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."


Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied