Scientists at their best

An astronomer, biologist, an engineer and a mathematician were crossing the border into Scotland from England on a train when they saw a field with a black sheep in it.

The astronomer said, "Look! All sheep on Earth are black."

The biologist said, "Look, in Scotland the sheep are black."

The engineer replied, "No, in Scotland some of the sheep are black."

The mathematician rolled his eyes to heaven and said, very patiently, "In Scotland, there exists at least one field, in which there is at least one sheep which is black on at least one side."

Tail Tale

A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus.

The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother,
- "What's that?"
- "That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
- "No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says,
- "Oh, nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says,
- "That's the elephant's penis, son."
- "So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

Desperate women and lonely men

A woman is fast approaching 40 years of age and is without a partner. This situation has her rather depressed due to her long history of failed relationships. After much debate she decides that the best thing to do is to take out a personal ad in the paper:

Wanted: A good lover to be my friend; who won't beat me and won't run out on me.

After a week or so no one has responded to the ad. She is feeling particularly depressed when the door bell rings.
She opens the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the front porch. Quite surprised at the sight she asks him what he wants.

He replies, "I'm responding to your ad for a good lover."

- "How can that be? You have no arms and no legs!"

- "I have no arms so I can't beat you and I have no legs so I can't run out on you!" he said.

- "What about being a good lover?" she asked.

He responded, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

Blonde patient

A girl says to her doctor, "You have to help me. I hurt all over."

She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, "Ow! That hurts."

She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, "Ouch! That hurts, too."

She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, "Ow! Even that hurts."

The doctor says, "Are you a natural blonde?"

She says, "Yes."

The doctor says, "You have a sprained finger."

The secretary

A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the train, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk.

She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!"

- He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're Mrs. Forsythe for a little while?"

- "I'd like that, Mr. Forsythe!"

- "Then get your own damn blanket!"

20th mile

The phone rings and the husband answers the phone.

He just listens and then says "how the heck do I know... I live 20 miles from the ocean!" and he then hangs up.

His wife asks what that was all about.

He said," oh some idiot wants to know if the coast is clear."

Teacher watch your questions

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
- "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
- "None" replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away".
- "Well the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking".
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
- "Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone? "
- "No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!" .

Blond men

Two blond men were sitting outside a medical clinic.

One of them was crying, tears pouring down his face.
The other blond man asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for a blood test."
The second one asked, "So? What are you crying for? Are you afraid?"
The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut off my finger."
Upon hearing this, the second man began to cry. The first man was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"
The second man replied, "I came here for a urine test."

Couple of good ones on engineers

These two jokes where sent by our friend Mack who has a beautiful blog here

Q:"what does an engineer use for birth control?"
A:"His personality!"

Q:"What is the difference between and engineer and God?"
A:"God doesn't think he's an engineer!"