Could you do me a favour?

Will you water my flower pots while i ' m gone?

3 engineers and a broken car

This joke was sent to us by Tigre Marino

3 engineers travel on a desert road in a good old '76 VW Beetle. One is a mechanical engineer, the second one is an electric engineer and the last one is a computer engineer.

The VW Beetle starts making weird engine noises and stops. Then, the mechanical engineer goes back, looks at it for a couple hours and gives his veredict:

"This thing needs a complete overhaul of all friction components, plus the warpage limits of the engine heads are beyond specifications..."

The electrical engineer takes over and starts staring at the engine...after three hours he gives out his veredict:

"This thing isn't working because the voltage present on the battery is not enough, and the electromagnetic effect of the generator is too low for the car to run correctly..."

The computer engineer stares at the engine bay for 6 hours, looking under the mass of cables, hoses, until he stands up and tells his companions:
"We are doomed. I can't find the reset button on this thing!!!"

Actual statements found on insurance forms

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the detail of an accident in the fewest words possible. The instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining:

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.


• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.


• I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.


• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.


• A truck backed through my windsheld into my wife's face.


• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.


• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.


• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.


• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.


• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.


• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.


• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vwehicle.


• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.


• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.


• As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.


• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.


• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounded off the roof of my car.


• I told police that I was not injured but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.


• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.


• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.


• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front end.

The value of time

To realize the value of ONE YEAR
Ask a student who has failed his exam.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK
Ask an editor of a weekly.

To realize the value of ONE DAY
Ask a daily wage labor.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE
Ask a person who has missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in Olympics.

To realize the value of ONE NANOSECOND
Ask a Hardware Engineer

..and even then if U don't realize the value of time...
you must be a Software Engineer !!!

An obsessed patient

A middle age man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.
- "I am going to do word-association. I am going to say a word and you will say the first thing that come to your mind," explained the doctor; "Oranges," said the doctor.
- "Breasts," replied the patient.
- "Apples."
- "Breasts."
- "Watermelons."
- "Breasts."
- "Wipers."
- "Breasts," said the patient with the same reply.
- "Wait a minute! I still can see the connetions between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile's wipers? Where is the connection?" asked the doctor confused.
- "Easy. One on the left and one on the right!!"