Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond
ear rings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out -- but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
The husband says, "No, no, no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the Husband says,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!"
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Anecdote: Thief ensnared by stolen pager
LONDON (Reuters) -- A British man trapped the thief who stole his pager by leaving a message saying he had won 500 pounds ($835) in a competition.
David Withers lost the pager when his car was broken into. Builder Justin C.......k, ensnared in the simplest of stings, was fined 150 pounds ($251) for being in possession of stolen property after answering the message.
"I told him he had won 500 pounds in a church fete and that I had paged him because I did not want to send the money by post.
The police arrested the idiot when he came to collect the prize.
I could not believe anybody would be that stupid."
Source: CNN
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Anecdote: NEW VIRUS WARNING
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.
This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive.
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles .
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs.
Be very...... very afraid!!!
This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive.
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles .
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs.
Be very...... very afraid!!!
Monday, December 24, 2007
26 quick training courses for women
1. Silence, The Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
2. The Undiscovered Side Of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Combating The Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Don't Need New Shoes
Everyday
4. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
5. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game.
6. Bathroom Etiquette 1: Men Need Space In The Bathroom Cabinet Too
7. Bathroom Etiquette 2: His Razor Is His
8. Communication Skills 1: Tears - The Last Resort, Not The First
9. Communication Skills 2: Thinking Before Speaking
10. Communication Skills 3: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
11. Driving A Car Safely: A Skill You Can Acquire
12. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share
13. Telephone Skills: How To Hang Up
14. Introduction to Parking
15. Introduction to Petrol
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space
17. Advanced Petrol: How To Take The Filler Cap Off
18. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
19. Cooking 1: Bran And Tofu Are Not For Human Consumption
20. Cooking 2: How Not To Inflict Your Diet On Other People
21. PMS: Your Problem... Not His
22. Dancing: Sober Men Don't Like To
24. Classic Clothing: Wearing Clothes You Already Have
25. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
26. Universal Remote Controls (Handle All devices in one): For Men Only!
2. The Undiscovered Side Of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Combating The Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Don't Need New Shoes
Everyday
4. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
5. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game.
6. Bathroom Etiquette 1: Men Need Space In The Bathroom Cabinet Too
7. Bathroom Etiquette 2: His Razor Is His
8. Communication Skills 1: Tears - The Last Resort, Not The First
9. Communication Skills 2: Thinking Before Speaking
10. Communication Skills 3: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
11. Driving A Car Safely: A Skill You Can Acquire
12. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share
13. Telephone Skills: How To Hang Up
14. Introduction to Parking
15. Introduction to Petrol
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space
17. Advanced Petrol: How To Take The Filler Cap Off
18. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
19. Cooking 1: Bran And Tofu Are Not For Human Consumption
20. Cooking 2: How Not To Inflict Your Diet On Other People
21. PMS: Your Problem... Not His
22. Dancing: Sober Men Don't Like To
24. Classic Clothing: Wearing Clothes You Already Have
25. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
26. Universal Remote Controls (Handle All devices in one): For Men Only!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
10 Reasons why Greeks could not be responsible for Sept. 11
10. 8:45am is too early for them to be up.
9. They are always late, they would have missed all 4 flights.
8. Pretty people on the plane distract them.
7. They would talk loudly and bring attention to themselves.
6. Food and drinks were on the plane.
5. They talk with their hands, they would probably have put their weapons down.
4. They would all want to fly the plane.
3. They would argue and start a fight in the plane.
2. They would have told everyone a week before doing it.
1. They would have put the Greek flag on the windshield.
9. They are always late, they would have missed all 4 flights.
8. Pretty people on the plane distract them.
7. They would talk loudly and bring attention to themselves.
6. Food and drinks were on the plane.
5. They talk with their hands, they would probably have put their weapons down.
4. They would all want to fly the plane.
3. They would argue and start a fight in the plane.
2. They would have told everyone a week before doing it.
1. They would have put the Greek flag on the windshield.
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