U SMILE

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart student in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image courtesy of autoexpress.co.uk

Funny blonde joke

There was a blonde woman who was sick of all the "dumb blonde" jokes, so she dyed her hair brunette.

Feeling better about her self she went for a drive in the country one day. She saw a shepherd and his flock near the side of the road and decided to stop and show this man how smart she was.

She asked him, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep you have can I have a lamb?"

The shepherd said, "O.K."

She counted out 387 sheep and the shepherd agreed with the total so the woman went to picks out her lamb.

She was just about to get in the car when the shepherd asked, "If i can tell you the original color of your hair can I have my sheep dog back?"

The blonde lady and the 710

Just few days ago i was at the gas station, when a blonde woman drove in and asked for a "710".
All guys present there looked at each other puzzled. Someone couldn't stand the embarrassment and asked : "What's a 710, lady??"
The woman answered "Come on, you know... the one that is located near the middle of the engine. I must have lost the previous one and i need a new one a.s.a.p."
"What is this 710 for? What is it's use?" some other guy asked..
"Well guys... i don't know exactly it's use but i have noticed that it is mostly located in the middle of the engine" the woman answered.
Everybody was so puzzled. Noone could understand what she was talking about. We all felt so awkward since men mostly, are familiar with the inner parts of a car's engine.
The guy at the gas station had no other choice than to give her a pen and a paper and asked her to draw that piece of equipment.
The lady started drawing a circle about 6cm diameter and then she wrote "710" at the center of that circle.
When we looked at the paper it finally made sense :