Sea drowning instructions

Well.. if you see someone drowning.. dont' lol as this sign says but call 911 immediately!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

via http://imgur.com/9C6Nx.jpg

U SMILE

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart student in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image courtesy of autoexpress.co.uk

Pi celebration day 3-14

π (also written pi) is a mathematical constant whose value is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space; this is the same value as the ratio of a circle's area to the square of its radius. (src: wikipedia)


Celebration day is set as March 14 (3-14 in rememberance of 3.14 )

One of the jokes that people use to tell about Pi:

Q: What does a mathematician with eye cataract have?
A: A pee eye (Pi)

Cakes are round, but Pi are square.

The politician and the top model

An important politician was seen moving around with a beautiful woman - a famous top model - for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony.

He didnt want to expose himself to public and gossip papers so he assigned his trustworthy bodyguard with a top secret mission:
To hire on his behalf, a private detective, so that he can gather info regarding the top model's past, if she had any previous affairs with any men and for how long.

After a few days, the security officer came to the politician's office with the detective's report, which had the results of the investigation:

"Sir,
this lady has a spotless reputation.

Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background.

No one has anything against her.

But i would also like to inform you that according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician who's reputation is known to be dubious!"