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Monday, December 11, 2006
Pet Diary

A Dog's Diary:

8 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

10 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

11 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

12 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

1 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

3 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

7 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

10 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!

A Cat's Diary:

Day 283 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors I induced one of my feline compatriots after eating to vomit on the carpet. When this failed to achieve the desired effect I decided to consume the vomit to further their repulsion. Not only was I unsuccessful, but the taste remains in my mouth.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

For now I wait, it is only a matter of time.
posted by bourbouli @ 12:10 PM  
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