The I files (or the definition of luck)

The Insurance Files

This is an actual report that was turned in by a brick mason after an injury.
This is what he said to his employer:


When I got to the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked off some bricks from the top.
So - I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the building, and I hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks.
When I had fixed the damaged area, there were a lot of bricks left over. Then I went to the bottom and began releasing the line.
Unfortunately - the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was and before I knew what was happening the barrel started coming down, jerking me up and I decided to hang on since I was too far off the ground by then to jump.
Half way up, I met the barrel of bricks coming down - FAST.
I received a hard blow on my shoulder.
I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my finger pinched and jammed in the pulley.
When the barrel hit the ground - HARD- it burst its bottom, allowing the bricks to spill out.
I was now heavier than the barrel.
SO - I started dawn again at a high speed!
Half way down, I met the empty barrel coming up - FAST.
I received severe injuries to my shins.
When I hit the ground, I landed on the pile of spilled bricks, getting several painful cuts and deep bruises.
At this point I must have lost my presence of mind because, I let go of the line.
The barrel came down - FAST - giving me another blow on my head, putting me in the hospital.

I respectfully request sick leave.

Actual statements found on insurance forms

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the detail of an accident in the fewest words possible. The instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining:

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.


• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.


• I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.


• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.


• A truck backed through my windsheld into my wife's face.


• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.


• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.


• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.


• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.


• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.


• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.


• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vwehicle.


• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.


• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.


• As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.


• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.


• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounded off the roof of my car.


• I told police that I was not injured but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.


• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.


• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.


• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front end.