Bathroom remodeling never seen before

Now, who wants to use the bathroom?

Beware of the chocolate peanuts

A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.
- "Mind if I have a few" he asks.
-"No, not at all" the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes
that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
-"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
- "Oh thats all right" the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them!"

Outer space zero gravity authors

During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronauticsand Space Administration (N.A.S.A.) decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

The I files (or the definition of luck)

The Insurance Files

This is an actual report that was turned in by a brick mason after an injury.
This is what he said to his employer:


When I got to the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked off some bricks from the top.
So - I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the building, and I hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks.
When I had fixed the damaged area, there were a lot of bricks left over. Then I went to the bottom and began releasing the line.
Unfortunately - the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was and before I knew what was happening the barrel started coming down, jerking me up and I decided to hang on since I was too far off the ground by then to jump.
Half way up, I met the barrel of bricks coming down - FAST.
I received a hard blow on my shoulder.
I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my finger pinched and jammed in the pulley.
When the barrel hit the ground - HARD- it burst its bottom, allowing the bricks to spill out.
I was now heavier than the barrel.
SO - I started dawn again at a high speed!
Half way down, I met the empty barrel coming up - FAST.
I received severe injuries to my shins.
When I hit the ground, I landed on the pile of spilled bricks, getting several painful cuts and deep bruises.
At this point I must have lost my presence of mind because, I let go of the line.
The barrel came down - FAST - giving me another blow on my head, putting me in the hospital.

I respectfully request sick leave.